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[swatsflies]

@ZD
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((OOC: Zell may show messages to Jim Hawkins. If you do not want Jim to see/know, then please let me know.))

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[swatsflies]

[ It hurts to see Jim like this, but he understands why.

At the request of proof he moves his hand to trace over about where his marks are. ]

Te. Te amo. [ Swallowing back the wave of emotions as he writes it out against him. ]

And you have the stars on me. The way to your world...

[ Closing his eyes as he remembers when Jim drew on his skin. ]

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim relaxes more fully, though he's still not really returning the affection. Last night...

He doesn't even really want to think about last night. He just wants to sleep, or something. ]

How's your head?

[swatsflies]

[ He's not expecting affection, just making sure Jim knows he won't hurt him. Keeping his hands on him so Jim can feel any changes.

With the relaxing, Zell does try to roll and adjust them so Jim is more comfortable. ]

Hurts like hell. [ Lifting his look to look at Jim's own forehead. ]

Yours?

[rattlingthestars]

Guess my head's not as hard as yours and Zack's.

[ In other words: ouch. ]

Sorry it hurts.

[ Not that he headbutted Zell, because that had been necessary, but sorry about the consequences now. ]

Was kind of hoping the stuff I gave you was going to take care of it.

[swatsflies]

[ Oh no bb. ;-;

His forehead hurts, but not as badly as the pain in his chest. He knows he hurt Jim. He can recall it clearly and even Jim's head hurts because of him. Swallowing back the tide of emotions as he gingerly reaches down Jim's side to hover around his back. ]

Don't apologize, Stars. I. You. [ His voice cracks. ] You did what you needed to do. How's your back?

[rattlingthestars]

I'll live.

[ Jim hates the sound of Zell's voice cracking, of the way he's so close to tears. He really doesn't think he can take it after everything else. ]

It's not bad. None of it's that bad.

[swatsflies]

It's bad. I hurt you.

[ Hurt him enough that Jim was wary of his touch. ]

I'm sorry, Stars. Maybe... maybe we should get out the cuffs? In case this isn't over with. I can't...I don't want to hurt you again.

[rattlingthestars]

I can take it.

[ That's the important thing, isn't it? Jim doesn't want to cuff Zell. He just wants to hold him, no matter what his instincts are doing at the moment. ]

-We can if it will make you feel better.

he can take it huh ;D

[swatsflies]

[ Making a low sound as he shakes his head. ]

I don't want you to have to take it, Stars. I don't want to hurt you. I shouldn't even be here right now.

[ It may happen again. It might come back on and off for the next couple of days. This place likes doing that. ]

I should have a pair in my bag.

[rattlingthestars]

You're not running off.

[ And Jim doesn't care if that makes him a hypocrite. He will get the handcuffs, though, if Zell wants them. He hesitates putting them on and lets them dangle from his hand. ]

How long are we gonna stay like this? What if it happens to me?

[swatsflies]

[ Once Jim goes for the bag, Zell is moving to sit against a wall. Watching his boyfriend until he returns with the cuffs. not how he imagined this would go down ]

Do. Do you feel any different?

[ He's only worried about how bad Jim will feel. ]

I don't know. Zack and Kunsel are heading over in a day or two, right?

[rattlingthestars]

No.

[ The admission is grudging. It's more theoretical than anything - 'different' could change at any moment - but Jim's not ready to concede the point. ]

They are, but...

[swatsflies]

[ It's just handcuffing the boyfriend. Nothing should be wrong with that right.

He does reach over, pausing because he's worried about Jim's reaction. ]

It'll just be for a day. Just in case.

[rattlingthestars]

Jim tenses minutely, but it's subtle enough Zell might miss it if he's not looking. He sighs, then, and nods.

Okay. Just in case.

The cuffs are chilly in his hands; he presses them between his palms, trying to warm them a little.

[swatsflies]

[ He notices, which gets his shoulders slumping. Hes starting to wonder if the cuffs will be enough. ]

I could leave, too.

[ Just offering it up there. Holding his breath and feeling his heart grow heavy again as he waits for the reaction for that. ]

[rattlingthestars]

You're not leaving.

[ It comes out a little more panicked than Jim meant as he jerks his head up to stare at Zell. ]

Don't - just, look, the handcuffs are fine. Don't leave.

[swatsflies]

[ He feels relief at that, but at the same time...

He can see the bruises on Jim's neck.

It hurts. Bringing his knees up to his chest to hug on to them because he won't reach out for Jim again. ]

It'll be safer for you.

[ He doesn't want to go, but he doesn't want to leave more marks like those you know without permission ]

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim tilts his head down in a display of stubbornness that Zell's rarely had reason to see. ]

I don't care. These are good enough.

[ Jim knows what it's like to want to flee, but he's not about to let Zell do it. ]

[swatsflies]

And if I hurt you with them?

[ He could do damage with them. Just imagining the ways he could hurt is making his stomach lurch in a sickening way. ]

I don't want to lose you, Jim. I don't want to hurt you.

[rattlingthestars]

You're not gonna lose me.

[ Jim can't promise that Zell won't hurt him, but he can promise that he won't leave. ]

I don't want to lose you either.

[swatsflies]

[ Zell offers up his wrists to Jim. Go ahead and cuff him. ]

If something happens... hide. You have to promise me you'll hide at least.

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim wraps his hands around Zell's wrists instead for now, and squeezes. ]

I promise I'll run. Not gonna stick around and let you kick my butt.

[swatsflies]

[ Letting out a grateful sigh at that. Then he'll pull his arms back slowly, not to disengage his hands, but to bring Jim closer. ]

Good. I love you, Stars.

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim goes, easy, and kisses Zell soundly as soon as he gets there. ]

Really missed hearing that, you know?

[swatsflies]

[ He wants to wrap his arms around him or to run his hands through his hair...

but neither of them can trust him now. He can see see the marks he left. Returning the kiss with a slow and drawn out one of his own. ]

I love you. [ He'll say it as many times as Jim wants to hear. ]