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[swatsflies]

@ZD
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((OOC: Zell may show messages to Jim Hawkins. If you do not want Jim to see/know, then please let me know.))

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[heroproceeding]

[ Maybe it's other people deciding what's best for Jim. Maybe that's wrong. But last time he had...

He leans back on Zell in turn, blowing out a breath. Listens to him talking about trust. Talking about research and therapy and all of that. House had said that it hadn't been his field which means there could be more information out there. More out there to help Jim. But then there's that underlying feeling of just how far to push. How many people to ask. He doesn't want this spread. Doesn't want it used against Jim. Especially now with Joker around, too, if something were to happen, if Joker were to somehow get a hold of him-

No. Don't think about that. Think about other options. Safer options. Roll 'em around in your head and move forward. ] Let's look into books before you hit the hay with him then. And as far as talking with him, I'll shoot you a message when I do. I just- don't want this to sit. I mean last time- just... last time I let things sit, he...

[ Stop. Start again. He runs his hand down his face, exasperated and maybe something more, covering his eyes momentarily. ] I don't want that to happen again.

[swatsflies]

[Dear Zack, you’re going to get gray hairs early.

Zell reaches over to place his hand on Zack’s shoulder to give him a squeeze.] Yeah, we can do that. [Maybe there will be something useful here. He could maybe contact House, but it still feels like sneaking behind Jim. They weren’t supposed to have secrets between them, and here he is keeping another thing with Zack from Jim. He’s racking his brain about Zack and sitting on things when he remembers the weird tension and what Jim said at the time.]

You mean when you guys were fighting? [He sounds a little surprised before cringing. Jim didn't go into details about why they fought, just that Zack hid something from him. Zack wasn't honest about something and Jim was hurt. Things were tense then and it sucked not being able to help. Giving him a squeeze as he bumps the side of his head against Zack.]
I don't think it'll happen if you sit on this, but it could if you force it out of him. You should depend on him more, man. [Moving his hand from shoulder to the back of Zack's head.] Jim is a lot stronger than we know. He'll share with you when he's ready.

[heroproceeding]

[ Spoilers, Zell: He doesn't live long enough for those.

But the agreement's reassuring at least.. about looking at books. The question though? The question... gets his stomach churning just a bit. Just a little. If he feels that bump against him, he doesn't seem to acknowledge it with how wrapped up he is in that moment. In those old feelings starting to surface again as he remembers that time. ]

It's not about depending or not depending him him, Zell. It's about- [ He lets out a shaky breath. ]

Last time I didn't talk to him, he got himself killed, okay? And I couldn't- [ He cuts him off again, but the unsaid words feel like they hang in the air, regardless. 'Couldn't stop him'. 'Couldn't save him'. It's a guilt he knows they share. He hasn't forgotten how Zell, himself, had been trying to fight past him to get to Jim. Had been yelling at him how they had to go save him, even when he was already-

He shudders, tying down those memories again. Wrapping them up and stuffing them back in that padlocked box. Letting them spring out like that will do him no good. Neither of them any good for that matter. He doesn't pull away from the way that hand's on the back of his head, but he doesn't lean back into it either. He's stubborn in that moment- but stubborn for good reason. Or so he feels. ]

Look, it's not about depending or not depending on him, Zell. I just don't wanna stand by and do nothing again.

I know he probably doesn't wanna talk about it. I've got my own fair share of things like that. I get it- but I'm worried about him. [ The cadet didn't want anymore secrets, too. Well, that goes both ways. ]

[swatsflies]

[Not sure about that, he might see some already.

Staying against the other as he listens. He can feel his own chest constrict with the conversation. He tenses for a moment before shaking his head.

It feels like Zack is really beating himself up. He understands that all too well. Maybe if Zell was a better friend at the time, Jim could have shared with him his frustrations. How he wanted to do something that actually mattered. There was the whole guilt of them thinking the metal could DO something against the monsters. He helped Jim wrap the metal around the foot of the hockey stick.]

You make it sound like he might try it again. You know he won't, right?

[heroproceeding]

[ Shhh. It's just the lighting.

But he's not lost to the tense feeling from Zell- even if it takes him a moment to realize it in the midst of being lost in his own thoughts and concerns for that moment. He's really gotta cool it. This isn't how he planned for this conversation to go at all. He's not helping Zell either now.

Slowly... Slowly, he shakes his head. ] I know he's not going to try it again. I talked with him about that.

I know he's not without his own experiences either and he's a tough kid, but this... This is different.

[ This is dying. Dying in a horrible and cruel way. And then coming back to face that fact. Sorry, Zell. He's not budging on this. Even as he goes to wrap his arm around the mercenary a bit tightly. He knows it's something that's not just bothering him. ]