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[swatsflies]

@ZD
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((OOC: Zell may show messages to Jim Hawkins. If you do not want Jim to see/know, then please let me know.))

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[swatsflies]

[ He's quiet for a moment as he tries to remember the scars scattered across Zack's torso.

Then what Jim says he him balking. ]

Whoa! What? You saw it happen?

[ Boyfriend, pls explain. ]

[rattlingthestars]

Remember back when we shared dreams? Right after he died.

[ That night when they'd believed they were alone, that Kunsel and Zack were gone forever. ]

The dream we shared... I don't know if I ever told you about it. I guess most of it isn't mine to tell.

[swatsflies]

[ Back during the dream event. Making a face at that as he's not really sure how to feel about the news. Everyone keeps hiding things. ]

It was a bad time.

[ With the gas masks and everything else taking priority. ]

What happened in it?

[rattlingthestars]

In the end, we were on a cliff side in the rain.

[ It's not really the most important detail, but it's one that stuck with Jim anyway. It'd been so long since he felt rain. ]</small Soldiers caught up to us. Dozens of 'em. They just opened fire.

[swatsflies]

[ What Jim is saying does click something else in place. Reaching up to run his fingers through his hair as his tone grows softer. ]

In the past, he said something about protecting Cloud. It was around the time we... you know kissed for the first time. [ And actually hooked up all in one go. ]

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim's head jerks up in surprise. ]

-That was a long time ago. You've been carrying this around all by yourself since then?

[swatsflies]

That was the second time we talked about it. [ Looking away for a moment. ] The first time was back at the hospital. When you couldn't see and we were doing laundry. I walked in to see if he needed paper clips to hold up his sheet.

[ AND SAW SO MUCH MORE THAN HE EVER WANTED Wincing a little as he does figure out how long it's been. ]

[rattlingthestars]

you been looking at other dude's butts

[swatsflies]

jim i live in dorms. i've seen so many butts

[rattlingthestars]

who are these butts

what are their names

[rattlingthestars]

-Huh. Guess that's why he's so uptight about changing clothes.

[ It's a small mystery solved, but it's better than focusing on the big questions without any real answers. It's also better than thinking about how long Jim's been oblivious to all of this. ]

How bad is it?

[swatsflies]

[ For a moment, he wants to start trying to map out the scars on Jim, but thinks better of it. ]

They were all scars when I saw them.

[ Nuzzling him. ]

It's. [ Feeling guilt weighing heavily. ] When I saw them, I knew he couldn't have made it out. Then when we were talking about medical records, I realized that bring brought here is what probably saved him.

[rattlingthestars]

[ When Zell saw them. Jim wonders what they'd looked like when Zack arrived here, if they were healed up by whatever the admin had done or still raw -

He shakes off the thought. It was months ago, now, and Jim can only take care of what's in front of him. Who's in front of him.

He takes Zell's hand and squeezes it tight. ]

DO you think it's... permanent?

thats why they are called scars, Jim

[swatsflies]

[ Shifting their fingers to weave them together and give them a squeeze. ]

His scars or... [ The dying part. Zell nods his head. ] Yeah, I do. They said they successfully resuscitated him in the medical records. I think he's alive again and can go back to his world or any world without any fear. I don't think he buys it though.

[ which is where the frustration comes in from. ]

hush

[rattlingthestars]

From what I saw... don't think I blame him.

[ Jim huffs, shaking his head. ]

Especially since I think if he goes right back to that moment, he'll just have to die all over again.

[swatsflies]

But that's the thing, he's not going right back to that moment. If this place can bring people here, choose a destination, then it can work in reverse. We'll figure it all out and go some where we all can be.

[ Zell sounds confident in it. ]

We'll figure it out.

[rattlingthestars]

-Yeah.

[ Jim swallows hard. He wants to believe that. It's something they've all talked about before. ]

There's room for all of us back home. Or there will be, once we rebuild it.

[swatsflies]

[ Pausing to calm down again and nuzzle against Jim's face. Brushing his hair lightly in a soothing way as he nods. ]

And you know we'll help rebuild it. [ He's pretty sure Kunsel and Zack wouldn't let them have all the fun building. Zell is going to miss the opportunity to make a joke about winding up with a baby carriage shaped Inn if Zack helps. His tone is taking on a positive note. ]

Whatever happens, we'll find a way to fix it. [ Pressing a kiss against his forehead. ]

How are you feeling about everything else?

[rattlingthestars]

[ The fact that Zell's starting to sound better is easing the knot in Jim's chest, too. He takes a deep breath and when Zell asks a question, effectively changing the subject, he's willing to jump on it.

Even if it does mean groaning quietly. ]

Like I want to crawl in a hole for admitting all that crap.

[swatsflies]

[ Adjusting them both to pull Jim further on him. ]

It sounded like some serious stuff. Do I need to go teach anyone some manners?

[ You know, like House? Even if Jim did manage to turn things around on the grouch, him slinging it at Jim like that in the first place... ]

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim groans quietly. ]

No. I think I took care of it.

[ He does look up, to see what Zell thinks of how he took care of it. Jim's aware it really wasn't the greatest way to handle the situation. ]

[swatsflies]

[ Spilling his guts seems to have calm the compulsion to voice everything he's thinking. So he manages not to just dive into questions or talk about how he's not even sure what to make of it.

Jim sits firmly in the can probably get away with almost anything box with Zell. House was prodding into things he knew would hurt Jim, and Jim dished his medicine back at him. House actually retreated which hits on just how much it hit him.

He feels pretty...mixed if he's honest. ]

Yeah, I saw.

[ Sliding his fingers through Jim's hair. ]

What do you feel about it? You okay with how you took care of it?

[rattlingthestars]

Why shouldn't I be?

[ That's not actually an answer; it's barely even a challenge. Jim huffs and is grateful that whatever the magic of the night was, it seems to be wearing off. ]

He hit me where it hurt for no reason. We were doing okay before that.

[swatsflies]

Because you care.

[ Tipping Jim's head up to meet his eyes as he brushes his thumb against his cheekbone. ]

I don't give a shit if his feelings are hurt.

[ Bumping his forehead against Jim's. ]

What I care about is how you feel, Stars. If you're good with how it went, then I'll have your back.

[rattlingthestars]

-I'm good. I guess I just cared about what you thought.

[ Maybe he's not a great person, but if Zell doesn't care, isn't disappointed in him? Screw 'em. ]

Don't think he's going to bring it up again.