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[swatsflies]

@ZD
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((OOC: Zell may show messages to Jim Hawkins. If you do not want Jim to see/know, then please let me know.))

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Night 94/Morning 95 sometime

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim's creeping back into the master bedroom after sneaking out earlier to get some of his restless out. The house with the giant sinkhole is quiet and Norfinbury-dark, with only Jim's tablet lighting up the place; he keeps it shining even as he pushes his (now muddy) boots off and climbs carefully back into the bed with Zell, trying not to disturb him. ]

[swatsflies]

[He's getting better at sneaking, but the light gives him away. It lets Zell know he can actually relax and breathe easy as he noticed the room wasn't as dark anymore. He's not alone anymore.

The blankets probably already lost most of their heat. Zell's back was towards Jim's spot, and his breathing wasn't even like it should be. If Jim touches him, he'll probably feel closer to room temperature instead of warm from being under the covers. There's a rattling sound of pills rolling in a bottle as the blankets are shifted. Whoops, he forgot he left that on Jim's side.

Not that he's hiding, but he doesn't want him to worry. After a second longer, he'll roll over and put his tablet under the covers between them in case Jim needed extra light. Pulling his arm out from under the covers to rest on his boyfriend to feel his warmth and get bit of reassurance this wasn't a dream.] ...hey. [Whispering. Even the house is large, he still didn't want to alert the oldest of the three that he's also awake.]

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim's foot hits the pills in the darkness, causing them to rattle; he's fishing them out of the blankets by the time Zell speaks. He's holding his tablet up to read the label and puzzling it out before he glances at Zell and frowns. He remembers, distantly, when they'd first talked; Zell mentioned he'd been in pain. Jim's own pain had faded quickly; he'd thought Zell's would've done the same, but … he'd never actually asked, had he.

He fumbles over Zell to put the pill bottle on the nightstand and shivers as Zell's arm touches his back. It's cold, and that's … well, it's not good. His wide, worried eyes are shiny in the dim light, though his frown is almost invisible cast in shadow. ]

Sunshine…? [ He pulls Zell's head and shoulders into his lap without asking permission and runs a hand over Zell's forehead. He's not sure what he's looking for - fever, maybe. The touch quickly turns into running a hand through Zell's bangs. ] You're up late.

[ It's not what he means to ask about, but he's not sure if he wants to force the issue yet. ] Something keeping you awake?

[swatsflies]

[He feels a little guilty about making Jim shiver, but he’s not sure if the concern is over the pills or if something is wrong with Jim. Tilting his head to the side to give a questioning look, and before he could respond or ask, his boyfriend is pulling him down onto his lap. He makes a little bit of a surprised sound in response.

Jim touching his forehead and hair earns a content hum. This is nice and reassuring on it’s own. Zell doesn't feel feverish.] Yeah, I’m up late.

[Not that it’s anything new between the tablets glitching up and the group splitting up. In addition, the digging from earlier really didn’t help the sore achy feeling he’s been stuck with since they all got sick almost a couple months ago.

He raises a hand to gesture to the room. There were no snores or gentle breathing from any of the usual traveling companions. No warmth from other bodies or being able to actually reach out and touch someone if he needed reassurance.]

No one was here. [Jim is now and he's warm, which is all that matters. He shifts over onto his stomach and hooks an arm around Jim's lower back.] It makes it hard to tell if it's real.

[rattlingthestars]

Because of the - [ He has to struggle to remember the word for it] - time compression? [ Jim feels a twinge of guilt for leaving Zell alone. He'd gotten to the point where he felt like he couldn't stay still anymore, but he should've done something differently. He doesn't know what.

His hand remains resting on the grown of Zell's head, though it's not stroking at the moment - instead it's resting comfortably as Jim looks down at him in the dark. ] This is real. Here. [ He picks up Zell's other hand and brings it up to rest over his heart. ] Want me to get the stethoscope?

[swatsflies]

[He thinks about it. About the almost never ending falling, all the fighting, and then finding himself in a bleak future. Bodies of future SeeD were lying on the ground.

He reels his thoughts in and concentrates instead on Jim's words. His heartbeat and warmth that he could still feel.]

It's real. [He's says quietly, before smiling a bit.

Only to feel warm across his face as he thinks about the stethoscope and that time in the hospital. It was a shitty place, but Jim sitting there in his scrubs. His heart beating and his hands feeling around for the right place to listen in. Swallowing a bit.] I don't know, man. I might use it as an excuse to feel around under your shirt.

[Brushing his thumb against Jim's chest over his heart.] Yeah, Time Compression. It's crazy. Getting there was pretty bad, but that doesn't compare to the return trip. [He got there with the group. They were split when they were returning. He remembers hearing their voices at first, but gradually it all faded away. There was nothing but his foot steps.

Shaking his head and rubbing his face against Jim's inner thigh as he does.]

[rattlingthestars]

[ JIm watches the emotions playing across Zell's face as best he can in careful silence. It's real - Jim encourages the thought with a nearly imperceptible smile that turns into a real one even as a blush blooms on his cheeks. ] Maybe that was my dastardly plot all along. [ It wasn't, he's not that devious, but Jim wouldn't mind being in that position again with Zell even if the thought is a little scary because Jim doesn't know where it goes after that. It was shitty, the same as it is now, but they'd got each other through it.

They'd do it again, Jim thinks as he listens to Zell talk. His hand moves again, from Zell's head to over his own heart. He can feel it beating strong and clear. ] Do you … want to talk about it? Tell me?

[swatsflies]

[That's going to earn a choking sound. He looks up at Jim as he tries to figure out how to word. He's seen a lot of guys shirtless, but idea of touching Jim is making his heart pound hard.]

Huh? [His blush mirroring Jim's as he swallows a lump forming his throat. He puts it together that Jim wasn't serious, but it still sets his thoughts skittering further in a reprehensible direction. Tracing a heart shape over Jim's chest.] You don't need any plots for that, Stars.

[Zell is more than willing to touch him and might have thought about doing more than just that since they took a bath together. Maybe even before then, too.

Grabbing Jim's hand to bring it to his mouth and press a kiss on the inside of his wrist.]

Do you want to hear about it?

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim might have teased him about the way his face goes hot, but then he's sobering again. It takes a moment for the words to come - for him to force them past that instinct to lock things like this away. ]

I want to hear everything about you that you'll tell me. [ He's shifting slightly now, though, piling a few pillows behind him so that he can lean back almost sitting up and rearrange Zell until he's laying on Jim's chest. Close enough for Jim to reach more of him. Easier for him to talk. ] You don't - if you don't think it'll help, you don't have to. But someone told me that sometimes talking about this stuff… it might make it easier. If it's hard.

[swatsflies]

[There will be plenty of chances to see him go red and to tease him.

Tossing a leg over Jim's leg as he gets comfortable on his chest. Moving his hand down to lightly tug up on his shirt slowly. Whether it's just keep his hand busy, or to make good on his thoughts isn't clear just yet]

I don't mind sharing. [He wasn't sure if this was going to be one of those things people weren't really interested in. Or if it would make sense. Closing his eyes as he pauses with his task to tap out the heartbeat he feels from his boyfriend.]

The beginning would have been cool, if it wasn't freaky. We fell for a long, long time into the ocean. We could see fish even, but we weren't wet. It was like we weren't really there, or what we were seeing wasn't there.

[He doesn't even know how to describe the ending of that, so he'll skip to the return trip. The part that got to him. Going back to tugging at Jim's shirt and successfully pulling it up enough just to slide his fingers under to feel the next layer he had beneath. He smiles as he touches the familiar scrubs.]

The return trip sucked big time. Everyone was there at first, but we were all moving like someone cast slow on us.

[rattlingthestars]

[ For all that Jim was teasing Zell a second ago, he's genuinely confused about where he's going with that hand. It makes it harder to focus on what he's saying, but maybe that's the point. Zell says he doesn't mind sharing, but Jim knows it might be hard for him to have a serious conversation about himself like this.

That's why Jim doesn't reciprocate the exploration even though it's been two whole days since he saw hip tattoo, but he doesn't stop Zell either. He just wants him to do whatever makes him feel better, whatever grounds him in the present even when he's talking about the past. ]

Like a spell?

[ That his boyfriend comes from somewhere with magic spells is still difficult to believe. Almost as difficult as believing he has a boyfriend. ]

[swatsflies]

[If he was going to intentionally distract Jim, it would be with something more than just fiddling with clothes. Sorry, Jim. Zell doesn't realize this could be having any kind of effect on his boyfriend. Probably doesn't help he's lightly tracing along the waist of Jim's pants over to his hip.]

Yeah, like a spell. I can show you when we get out of here or if we find a way to turn off whatever is putting a stop to magic here.

[He does have slow stocked up. And a number of other spells Jim might find entertaining like float or fire.]

It's like moving through something thick like molasses. You can feel everything slowing down and you're aware of everything around you being faster.

[Ceasing his exploring to reach behind him to find one of Jim's hands. It's a little awkward with his position, but he manages to curl a finger around one of his boyfriend's.]

At first everything is white and I can still hear everyone. Still see them. They vanish one by one and everything gets dark. We needed to concentrate on each other and to concentrate on where we were supposed to meet, but it doesn't make it easy. It messes with your head a bit. Shows you things over and over to make you doubt everything. [There's a pause here.] Shows you the worst that could have happened. Garden being destroyed. Balamb being burnt down to the ground. Losing someone you care about because of messing up or taking too long to save them.

[He can see Rinoa falling and missing the ledge instead. It didn't happen like that. He knows it, but the image is there still. Shaking his head slowly before scooting up further to nuzzle against Jim's neck and not think about it. Concentrate on now. What's happened has happened. It's all done with and over.]

I wasn't even hit with the worst of it. We all made it back, but it took some of us a lot longer.

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim wants to see Zell's magic in action because he can scarcely believe it's real. For all he was willing to chase a storybook on the word of a dying old man, Jim likes the world around him to be solid and make sense. Magic... doesn't really fit into that. Then again, if anyone were magic, it would have to be Zell.

Zell, who... Jim listens in quiet, mounting worry as the story gets worse. ]

-Sounds like you got hit pretty bad, anyway. [ He's glad it wasn't the worst, if it was that bad. ] Sounds a lot like what happened the other night.

[swatsflies]

Yeah it does, huh.

[Seeing what happened to Rhys and everyone else... He's going to shut his eyes for a moment as he shakes his head. It didn't happen. It's done and over with. It doesn't matter.

Just taking a moment to concentrate on Jim's warmth and smell. How he can feel his pulse from his neck. Pressing a kiss just under his ear. Jim wanted more distractions, right?]

I'll be fine. [His voice is quiet as he places his hand over Jim's heart.] It'll go away eventually. [He's pretty sure about it.]

[rattlingthestars]

[ No, Jim wanted to listen, but he can't really deny Zell anything if that's what helps him. ]

I know you will.

[ That, at least, he has faith in: Zell is strong and smart and resourceful. He'll keep moving. For now, though, they don't have to move much. Just enough for Jim to kiss his head. ]

When it was over... [ He trails off, unsure of how to phrase the question, before pushing on: ] - How did you know things were real again?

[swatsflies]

You know, you help a lot. You give me something to focus on.

[To keep trying for and to keep inspiring new dreams.

Then he's thinking about when the whole thing was over.]

My friends were there. The same ones who went through all of that with me. Seeing them in Garden and hearing all the usual dorm noises helped a lot.

[He's not even going to think about any kind of doubts that it could still be a dream. That the happy ending never happened.]

It was waking up here that really...[It set him back a peg or two. Or maybe he would be set back as soon as he was alone. He didn't really get the chance back at home to be completely alone with everything quiet.]

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim doesn't directly answer the comment about giving Zell something to focus on, but his hands are moving again: lightly skimming every part of Zell he can reach, a constant presence and reminder. Jim's here, and he's listening. ]

In Norfinbury? Before you found us? [ It had been weeks, Jim thinks, before Zell managed to stumble into the house where they'd been gathered. And Zell had still been talking about going back off on his own that night, if only to keep the others safe from any stunt he might pull. ] How long was it?

[swatsflies]

eeey can do that without the clothes on you know ;D ;D ;D

[swatsflies]

[It's pretty calming. Though he doesn't get why it's important to hear about the time before he joined the group.]

We have computers where I'm from, so figuring out the tablet was pretty easy. Seeing actual people on the network helped a lot. [Like certain pranking videos.]

I also found Angel and Rhys. Then joined up with Al's group for a bit. The rest of it doesn't really matter now.

[rattlingthestars]

It matters if it happened to you. If it - [ He trails off, not finishing the thought but making a quiet, wordless sound of frustration instead. ] It matters.

But I'm glad you found us. [ Zell could've so easily been one of those people he talks to on the network, runs into every few weeks, one of those names he'll eventually see pop up on the network. Instead he's here and Jim can hold him through this. ] Next time... if you wake up and I'm not here, I'll never be far away.

[swatsflies]

[Sitting up in order to actually get a look at Jim's face. Sliding his fingers through Jim's hair as he gives a small smile.] I'm glad I found you, too.

[Cupping his face as he leans down to give him a chaste kiss. Their friendship and subsequent has been pretty great. There is nothing he would change about any of it.] I know. It just takes a moment. [Especially after the shit with the tablets a few nights ago. That probably set him back, too. Set them all back.]

I'll be okay.

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim tilts his head up to meet the kiss, keeping it chaste but lingering as long as Zell will let him.

When they part, though, he's meeting Zell's eyes again, willing him to understand what Jim means through his expression. ]

You will be. But it's ... it's alright not to be, sometimes. I think.

[swatsflies]

[Meeting his gaze and holding it for a while before moving to press a kiss against his forehead.]

Yeah....I know. [And for a reversal, he'll pat his lap.] Is it alright to keep leaning on you when I'm not?

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim climbs into it carefully, sideways rather than straddling Zell so that he can lean his head on Zell's chest. ] Any time you need to. I can carry you.

[ Jim's afraid he's not strong enough to keep that promise, even as he makes it, but it's something he knows Zell needs and that makes him brave. ]

[swatsflies]

[Wrapping his arms around him to give a hug.] I'll be in your care. [Rubbing his face against his boyfriend's head.] It goes both ways. I'll carry you when you need it. [Kissing his hair.] Or when you want it.