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[swatsflies]

@ZD
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((OOC: Zell may show messages to Jim Hawkins. If you do not want Jim to see/know, then please let me know.))

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[heroproceeding]

[ How dare you block that important laying time.

At least Zell took the hint. The really obvious hint. Zack breathes out a slow exhale anyway as he nods in acknowledgement before... well, first going to close the door quietly behind him. Now, with the only light coming from both their tablets, he navigates his way over to have a seat down next to the young man.

He takes another moment to gather this thoughts again before he finally nods to himself. ] I talked with House about how Jim's been acting.

[swatsflies]

[He took the hint. He did good. Does he get a treat or something?

The slow exhale does put him on edge. That's not a good thing. That combined with wanting Jim left out of the loop and the door closing. Placing his tablet down on a desk with the screen flipped up, which is both a habit and a way to help brighten the room.

And then there are the words. Zack spoke to House about Jim.]

What did he have to say? [Zell doesn't sound upset or anything negative. He believes House might have a tiny bit of a soft spot for Jim. That and he does value House's opinion when he's not being an ass.]

[heroproceeding]

Nothing good, but it at least confirmed one thing. We aren't just imagining things. [ This time, Zack's invading Zell's space first, putting a hand on his shoulder. He's not oblivious to the concern Zell's been feeling. Knows he likely has been feeling it for a while now. What to say to Jim. What to do about all this.

Zack's been wondering, too. And in the end, this is their only lead. A small one. ]

He called it PTSD, and he said the only treatment for it at this point's talk therapy. He's too young for anything else. [ Which honestly... Zack's not too sure he would trust the administrator for anything else anyway. Especially with MN. ]

[swatsflies]

[He's going to tense up at the nothing good part. The hand on his shoulder helps take the edge off of the conversation. His attention moves to his tablet for a moment as he thinks about PTSD and talk therapy. The notes him and Jim have been exchanging, their chat about monsters, and Jim opening up bit by bit.]

PTSD, huh? It's usually common in the military. [It does make sense, though. Having a monster smother-

He's not even going to finish that thought. Reaching over to give Zack's hand a squeeze. It's good they are having this talk at night because Zell was a lot more calmer after trudging through snow and training.

Weighing for a moment between sharing some things or not. Swallowing back the pang of guilt as he nods slowly.]

He started to talk about it. [With notes and a conversation a few nights ago. Zell isn't going to repeat the contents though.]

[heroproceeding]

[ There's a moment. A spark of surprise when Zell recognizes what Zack brings up. Common in the military. But it's there and gone. Something to cover later maybe. For now... ]

...Good. He needs to or I don't think he's ever going to get over it. [ Judging by the way he rubs the back of his neck with his free hand though... it's pretty obvious how Zack feels about that. Recalling that day... Even just thinking about it gets his stomach churning in ugly ways. How he'd been so close and yet-

Focus, Fair. Can't change the past. Can't change what's already happened. Focus on what they can do for him now.

Doesn't change the way his heart aches, regardless of the way he shakes himself out of those thoughts. His eyes forcibly narrow. ] I'm gonna talk to him, too. I know he won't like it... but all of us pretending it never happened won't do him any good.

[swatsflies]

He will. It'll take a long time, but I know he will get better. [He's not sure about getting over it completely. It might still haunt him years from now. Zell plans on sticking to him through it all though.

Rubbing the back of his neck as he looks at Zell at the whole talking to Jim. It's not like they are pretending it didn't happen, Zell is just letting Jim come out and share on his own. Admitting your weakness is pretty hard for most people.]

If you do, don't tell him we talked about it. I don't know how he would feel about it, but it probably won't be good. [He might feel like everyone is talking about him behind his back or discussing his issues without him.] Are you going to tell Kunsel?

[heroproceeding]

[ It's not like Zell is pretending, no. That wasn't the implication at all. But... still, the statement attests to a point. Talking about it... Helping him out. He will get better. Zell sounds so certain- and Zack hopes that certainty carries through to the reality. No, he won't get over it completely. There's no completely getting over things like that. All the things Zack's been through, himself... The nightmares he still has have lessened over the course of time, but they no less exist. Maybe... No, probably in a lot of ways, he's being a hypocrite for being so set to help the kid when, well. When was the last time he confined in others about what had happened to him?

But...

That's different. Clearly.

Either or, he's going to try his damnedest here. They all are, aren't they. He hums in acknowledgement at Zell's request, confirming his agreement with a short nod. Jim wouldn't be happy knowing they're talking like they are, would he? The SOLDIER knows he, himself, wasn't too hot about them talking behind his back about his condition... even if in the end, he got why. It's why he's confirming all the same: ] Yeah, I'm going to see what he thinks, too. That way, we can all help him out.

[ He's seen how Kuns and Jim have been acting with each other lately. And honestly trusts Kuns to be more discreet... Gently, Zack curls his arm more fully around Zell, pulling him a bit closer. ] I'll probably bring it up with Jim one of those nights he's up on watch with me. I don't know if he'll talk to me otherwise.

[ The kid's so avid to prove he's got what it takes... ]

[swatsflies]

[He's not entirely comfortable with a lot of this. He gets what Zack is saying, and he got the information from House. It's still other people deciding for Jim what's best for him. And that doesn't sit right. He still feels the guilt gnawing at him over sharing in the first place when they were all separated. He might have to some day share with Jim about all of it. Not for a while though. Time and place are hard things to figure out and Zell doesn't like planning too far ahead.

Leaning against Zack as he lets the quiet stretch on for a bit longer.]
He trusts you a lot, man. I know he'll come talk to you about it when he's ready.

[It's like the affection conversation Zack and Zell had in the past. That it takes Jim a while to warm up to someone and initiate the contact. Just in this case he's plenty warmed up and probably struggling with how or when to approach it. It takes a lot of courage to admit you have issues.]
Think we could research it here? There could be a book here with medical terms or therapy. [They are in a place full of books. Surely there is something that could help them. There is also a new doctor there who has seen combat and worked in family medicine. He might have encountered this or something similar. He'll store that for later though if Jim or anyone later on needs more advice on the subject.]

If you decide to make the first move though, shoot me a message.[So he can at least be awake for after that particular conversation to be there for Jim if he needs it.]

[heroproceeding]

[ Maybe it's other people deciding what's best for Jim. Maybe that's wrong. But last time he had...

He leans back on Zell in turn, blowing out a breath. Listens to him talking about trust. Talking about research and therapy and all of that. House had said that it hadn't been his field which means there could be more information out there. More out there to help Jim. But then there's that underlying feeling of just how far to push. How many people to ask. He doesn't want this spread. Doesn't want it used against Jim. Especially now with Joker around, too, if something were to happen, if Joker were to somehow get a hold of him-

No. Don't think about that. Think about other options. Safer options. Roll 'em around in your head and move forward. ] Let's look into books before you hit the hay with him then. And as far as talking with him, I'll shoot you a message when I do. I just- don't want this to sit. I mean last time- just... last time I let things sit, he...

[ Stop. Start again. He runs his hand down his face, exasperated and maybe something more, covering his eyes momentarily. ] I don't want that to happen again.

[swatsflies]

[Dear Zack, you’re going to get gray hairs early.

Zell reaches over to place his hand on Zack’s shoulder to give him a squeeze.] Yeah, we can do that. [Maybe there will be something useful here. He could maybe contact House, but it still feels like sneaking behind Jim. They weren’t supposed to have secrets between them, and here he is keeping another thing with Zack from Jim. He’s racking his brain about Zack and sitting on things when he remembers the weird tension and what Jim said at the time.]

You mean when you guys were fighting? [He sounds a little surprised before cringing. Jim didn't go into details about why they fought, just that Zack hid something from him. Zack wasn't honest about something and Jim was hurt. Things were tense then and it sucked not being able to help. Giving him a squeeze as he bumps the side of his head against Zack.]
I don't think it'll happen if you sit on this, but it could if you force it out of him. You should depend on him more, man. [Moving his hand from shoulder to the back of Zack's head.] Jim is a lot stronger than we know. He'll share with you when he's ready.

[heroproceeding]

[ Spoilers, Zell: He doesn't live long enough for those.

But the agreement's reassuring at least.. about looking at books. The question though? The question... gets his stomach churning just a bit. Just a little. If he feels that bump against him, he doesn't seem to acknowledge it with how wrapped up he is in that moment. In those old feelings starting to surface again as he remembers that time. ]

It's not about depending or not depending him him, Zell. It's about- [ He lets out a shaky breath. ]

Last time I didn't talk to him, he got himself killed, okay? And I couldn't- [ He cuts him off again, but the unsaid words feel like they hang in the air, regardless. 'Couldn't stop him'. 'Couldn't save him'. It's a guilt he knows they share. He hasn't forgotten how Zell, himself, had been trying to fight past him to get to Jim. Had been yelling at him how they had to go save him, even when he was already-

He shudders, tying down those memories again. Wrapping them up and stuffing them back in that padlocked box. Letting them spring out like that will do him no good. Neither of them any good for that matter. He doesn't pull away from the way that hand's on the back of his head, but he doesn't lean back into it either. He's stubborn in that moment- but stubborn for good reason. Or so he feels. ]

Look, it's not about depending or not depending on him, Zell. I just don't wanna stand by and do nothing again.

I know he probably doesn't wanna talk about it. I've got my own fair share of things like that. I get it- but I'm worried about him. [ The cadet didn't want anymore secrets, too. Well, that goes both ways. ]

[swatsflies]

[Not sure about that, he might see some already.

Staying against the other as he listens. He can feel his own chest constrict with the conversation. He tenses for a moment before shaking his head.

It feels like Zack is really beating himself up. He understands that all too well. Maybe if Zell was a better friend at the time, Jim could have shared with him his frustrations. How he wanted to do something that actually mattered. There was the whole guilt of them thinking the metal could DO something against the monsters. He helped Jim wrap the metal around the foot of the hockey stick.]

You make it sound like he might try it again. You know he won't, right?

[heroproceeding]

[ Shhh. It's just the lighting.

But he's not lost to the tense feeling from Zell- even if it takes him a moment to realize it in the midst of being lost in his own thoughts and concerns for that moment. He's really gotta cool it. This isn't how he planned for this conversation to go at all. He's not helping Zell either now.

Slowly... Slowly, he shakes his head. ] I know he's not going to try it again. I talked with him about that.

I know he's not without his own experiences either and he's a tough kid, but this... This is different.

[ This is dying. Dying in a horrible and cruel way. And then coming back to face that fact. Sorry, Zell. He's not budging on this. Even as he goes to wrap his arm around the mercenary a bit tightly. He knows it's something that's not just bothering him. ]